How to deal with Asheaters

You mourn your recent loved one’s passing, and decide to cremate their body in place of burial. Weeks later, your loved one’s urn lies on shelf, and as you come to check on it, you can see a plump eruciform organism chowing down on the remains. If this has happened to you, then an Asheater has broken into your home!

What is an Asheater?

Asheaters are a plague in modern households, millions of people report sightings of these irritating and defiling creatures daily. Asheaters are a type of neotenic Jakeopod larvae which substitutes its hunger for emotion jelly with ashes of the dead.

The consumption of emotion jelly is a standard part of Jakeopod lifecycle. As it dictates what caste these young larvae will grow into, depending on the primary emotion of the jelly: rage, sadness, anxiety, etc,. When a Jakeopod nest becomes too overcrowded, or an unwanted birth occurs, many hundreds of larva will be launched from their hives via large biocannons. While most die upon impact with the ground, some survive. Mutilated and scared, these creatures find a good substitute for their raw emotion jelly, the ash of the deceased.

Filled to the brim with sad or mournful energies, its a half-decent substitute for emotion jelly. However, the imbalance of proteins and other anomalous compounds in this ash prevents the larva from maturing, placing them in a state of perpetual neoteny.

How to deal with Asheaters

Asheaters are not capable of doing true damage to a fully mature human, however some Asheaters have eaten infants and domesticated animals. They will in fact usually ignore you if an ash-filled urn is in its presence. Some adventurous citizens even keep them as pets!

In the case of an Asheater, prevention is superior to survival tips. The average Asheater will enter your household via the plumbing, vents, or any open windows or doors. Make sure your doors/windows are locked during Jakrinoxes and Blood Moons, when they are most common, and install anti-Asheater equipment in your vents and plumbing.

If an Asheater enters your house, it will usually leave if it cannot find a small creature or ash to snack on, and you should be safe. If you find an Asheater caught in the act, do not try and preserve what it is eating. Let it finish, and call the Jakeopod Protection Center, and allow their agents to deal with the critter.


Asheaters are menacing creatures, however they can only harm you if anti-Jakeopod safety is ignored, or if you put cremated remains in externally visible locations. In all, don’t worry about these little critters spoiling your long gone loved ones.

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